Everyone saw the beauty, no one saw the pain.

You have no idea how much my heart bleeds for you. 

I don't want you living your life like that, so enigmatic. You need to tell people more about you. Your turmoil.

You can't let people treat you like that, thinking you're completely immune to it, when you really aren't; when it's eating you up inside, you and I both know it. 

I love you for who you are, really. I'm your friend, no matter what. I would never treat you the way they do. I don't care what people tell me about you. Unless it comes from you, I don't want to believe it. 

I know you tell me lie after lie, but I believe you. No matter what you say, 

I will believe you. 

---

The little cracks, they escalated,

And before you know, it's too late,

For making circles and telling lies.

-Lies, Glen Hansard

I went from zero to minus ten.

I feel like I've lost you. 

I feel like you've been replaced.

I feel like you're so many miles apart; most of the time you actually are. 

I needed you, but someone else was there for me.

Someone who actually made me feel like I had someone to talk to. 

Fin.

Will you stay strong as you promised? 

Cause I'm stranded and bare..

---

I spent today trying to finish up my homework that I haven't completed with my best friend. 

Lately I've been partying, drowning my emotions in alcohol and other things. I'm such a mess, no one knows. Not even him. He's a good guy; a good friend, but he doesn't notice some things. I like it that way, I like to keep a part of me private. At some point I stopped caring about what people thought of me, I'm so hollow inside. 

I feel so broken.

Mac City.

I've just gotten a new laptop, I love it so much. It's caused me a whole lot of problems, but I think I've dealt with them for now. All I have to do now is get back home and try out the connection there, because so far the wireless connection for my laptop has been just so awful, so there really was nothing I could do but write my essay for literature. 

I'm in Mac City in Cineleisure, one of the girls really reminded me of someone I know. Older replica. My friend just left, so I'm left here with nothing else to do but update my blog listlessly. 

---

I could swear that was a teacher passing by. 

Why?

I couldn't stop. Why couldn't I stop?

It's too late.

Addiction.

Flirt, kiss, sex...
I'm hooked on you; I need a fix.
I can take it, just one more hit.
I'll handle it, quit it;
Just one more time, then that's it.
Just a little bit more to get me through this..

I really can't keep doing this.

I'm contradicting everything I was against; everything I believed in.

I have to stop.


For her.

Just a girl.

I feel like a giddy schoolgirl in love.

..well maybe cause I am one.
Love, maybe not, but well, something similar or close to that.

Something so different.

I'm so glad I found you. Well, you found me, but it's the same thing.
I've never felt so.. Complete. Like nothing could make me happier than spending time with you, watching lame shows together and me cuddling up against you, crying, when one of my favourite characters die.
(Don't laugh, one would grow attached to the characters!!)

I love every second I spend with you, even when you're complaining about how you hate your school uniform.
I think it's cute.

My feelings for you, right now, are as strong as it can ever get.

---

School today was excruciatingly boring.
I skipped History and hung out with my class teacher, she's super cool. Involved in a lot of school things.

I'm going ice skating again this Saturday, would you care to join me, internet?

Bliss

This is the most indestructive relationship that I've ever had. All my previous relationships used to kill me a little bit every day.

It's a really really nice change. For once, I don't have to worry about saying something, or doing something wrong, I know you'll accept me for who I am. No matter what happens.

I'll accept you for who you are, too.

---

Today, Rauf, Adam and I talked about what would happen when we grow up.

If we were to have a friend; someone we're close to in school, and live with them as roommates while we're in university or college, who would it be?

I picked Raz. He's a cool guy, he doesn't judge or make fun of anyone to their faces. To their backs, sure, but only about people he isn't close to. To be honest, I do the same. Doesn't everybody?

Adam and Rauf wanted to live together with Eezzuan, and use Bryan as their guard dog. He's not that intimidating as he is, but they planned to dress him up in a spartan warrior outfit to repel unwanted guests. ...skin exposure, ew.

Somehow or another that conversation got to what if we each had a level of hell; what we would do with it.

Rauf wanted to create a demon army of some sort.

I wanted my lesbian land.

Adam wanted.. A coconut land.

Hannah wasn't there, so we decided for her. She could have a land for emos. There would be a starbucks and borders there for her. She would love that place.

We were that jobless while waiting for our transport back home.

The listener.

I listened to everything you had to say; everything you needed to say. Was it so hard to listen to me for once?

I'm stuck in class with you everyday, I know all about you. You know things, but you act dumb to hide that fact. Sometimes things people say really do waft by your ears.
You're complicated, but i've figured you out. You take different traits from different people. You find out their best traits and adopt them. Having none of your own that actually stands out. You've taken enough from me; you even admitted it yourself.

There are some things that I want only myself to have, I even confronted you about it, but you just smiled and said;
"I know."

You did nothing differently after that, and it really pisses me off. Don't copy something I'm really proud of; something only I have, and take it as yours.

---

I love art projects or anything that requires me drawing.

Brooke can draw cool tattoo designs!

---

"The art of love.. Is largely the art of persistence."
-Albert Ellis

Wise girl.

I read this somewhere. And I really liked it. I would have written down the name of the author here, but I forgot who she was.
It went something like this;
"A wise girl kisses, but doesn't love.
listens but doesn't love.
And leaves before she is left."

Clearly, I am no wise girl.

---

When you came in, the air went out,
And every shadow filled up with doubt.

Baby, you have no idea how you make me feel.
My heart, it beats, it beats for only you..

I remember you being so persistent, I don't know why anyone would ever work that hard to just be with me. You've rendered me to a stuttering.. Human.
You know, it feels like you're the only Brooke in the entire world.

The entire world. I hear that's big.